Jacque's Bridal Shower

Back to the blog.  I am thankful and honored to be asked to share some devtional thoughts especially for the gals who have come through our youth ministry.  They are so dear and precious to me!  I am most of all humbled because I feel I fall so short in the wife arena but fortunately there is a standard to which I strive.  Like every person, every marriage and every family has it's own uniqueness.  The standard of scripture applies to each personality, gifting, nature.  I used wonder why in 1 Peter 3:4, God would call women to have a gentle and quiet spirit and yet have given me such a not quiet personality!  But then I got it.  He wasn't telling me to not talk or laugh.  A quiet spirit, I believe, is one that is still in the presence of God.  A gentle and quiet spirit is unfettered by fear and nonabrasive.  It could be contained in the personality of a comedian, a nurse, a teacher, a singer, an auctioneer, or a mime.  I love that about God, don't you?  He is incredibly creative, profoundly consistent, and ultimately loving.  He hasn't called us to anything He doesn't equip us to do. I am thankful for that and the learning opportunities.  Even the ones I have had to learn the hard way.  Like all marriages, ours is a work in progress.  A work of art in progress.
  Each marriage is it's own canvas with 3 painters and best painted with two brushes.  One in the hand of the husband resting in the hand of the Master artist, the other in the wife's hand resting in the hand of the Master artists as well.  Occasionally we take our hand from His and mistakes are made and yet when we rest our hand back in His, He can even make our biggest blunders beautiful.  It is a lifelong lesson.  As we mature, the details become strikingly beautiful.  My latest art class was the Love and Respect seminar.  Sometimes the simplest practices are the most profound.  Like holding the brush at the right angle, we speak respectfully to our groom.  It is so easy to have a laugh at our man's expense but sometimes that chuckle is a bit expensive.  As we are one, if it cost him, it costs us.  If I could tell you only one thing, I would say,  be vigilant about showing respect.  Ephesians 5:33   However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  Oh, how our culture derides this concept.  In this area as in so many others, were we to compare ourselves to the world, well that is an easy win.  If we don't blatantly mock and humiliate our husbands, we are pillars.  And yet when we look to Scripture we see that we are to respectfully submit to our husbands as the church is to submit to Christ.  In my flesh that can be a challenge for sure.  Simply because I am selfish by nature.  But as I step back and look at all Christ has done for me, my soul longs to submit because I know He has my absolute best interest at heart.  In my humble opinion the guys have it way harder.  They are to be living constantly sacrificially.  And who are they to be caring more for than they care for themselves?  Us.  I am so thankful that as Paul penned this great letter to the church in Ephesus, he let us know that this is a profound mystery and that he was trying to help them see the relationship between Christ and the church as much as anything.  I wonder if he were writing this letter today if he would choose the marriage relationship to try to describe the relationship between Jesus and His beloved bride.  This generation is reaping some major attitude consequences  from the last.  You know what I think is funny?  We want to exert our control or express our opinions because we are strong women.  Honestly!  The truth is it takes so much more control, self-control, and so much more strength, strength of character, to pray instead of speak and trust instead of force.  As I have watched women I admire mature in Christ and grow more and more beautiful, one thing I notice is that they express their opinions less than they listen.  I hope I am growing in that direction for sure!
Then in Titus 2, the direction I am given as an older woman (yeah, ouch) is to encourage you to love your husband.  The word used for love in Titus 2:4 is philos meaning loving, beloved, dear, friendly.  Makes me think of the side by side idea.  I know my idea of what the perfect marriage contains rose petals, candle light, beautiful music and so forth.  I have a suspicion that is not the picture my wonderful husband has in his mind's eye.  His might look more like scraping the paint off the side the house, washing the car, shooting hoops or watching some ball on the tube.  Notice I said the unspecific term ball, that was intentional because it doesn't matter the time of year, there will be ball on TV.  Just sayin', find something that you enjoy doing together that is friendish.  That will show him love.  Speak highly of him to him and others.  Make sure it's genuine but do so often.  The truth is this is such a fun part of marriage if you engage him here.  If I sit around on the couch waiting for Scott to come and romance me and he's out working in the back yard waiting for me to bring him a glass of lemonade, we are not going to have much fun.  So what is the answer?  I wish I knew!  It is a challenge and part of the process.  Marriage is a lifelong adventure, learning each other and learning how better to love each other.  I did get to learn one good lesson from a  guy friend years ago:  As women we have a lot of words to use everyday and never want to let a single one carry over to the next.  Men, not so much.  And our words are so important to us that we tend to expect our husband to hang on each one of them, making conversations rather intense.  Well this guy friend was over fixing my brakes and I was sitting outside by him reading the package from the brakes to him.  He later told me that was the best conversation we ever had.  Hmmmmm.  I guess my conversations were something less than profound to him but reading the box from some brake shoes, now that is fine literature that we can discuss at length.  Now I am not saying that every conversation should be primal but what I am saying is that sometimes, girls, we gotta lighten up!  They need us to be their friend.  Oh honey, laugh at his jokes after you marry him, just like when you were first together.  I'll tell on myself a little here.  When we were dating I wanted to spend time with Scott so much that I talked him into teaching me how to shoot a basketball.  Truth be told, I had no real desire to learn how to make a basket whether is was a shooting hoops or basket weaving.  Not my thing.  I wanted time with that man.  And, yes, he ate it up!  Even now, if I want to build that man up, I watch him teach, watch him play sports...  If I were to let him to teach me how to change the oil, I might get a Caribbean Cruise out of that one.  I'm kidding, but you get what I mean.  He loves to be admired.  And fortunately for me, he is super easy to admire!  I imagine you admire Adam or you wouldn't be marrying him.  Why not make a list of the things you admire most about him and share it with him on your wedding day.  And then every year on your anniversary you could revise the list, hopefully adding to it.  Funny thing is when I think about all that I do admire about my man, I find myself loving him more and more. 
We have this charge as Christian wives, to build up our husbands and respect them for their good.  And to counter this culture that demeans men and marriage.  Our job in society in Christian marriages is to be a picture of Christ and His bride, the church.  It after all is not all about us, even in this.  You will be a beautiful bride and I know you will a precious wife.